The Regrets of a 21 year old nothing.

I'm at home in bed. It is too hot yet I'm still sat here in a fluffy winter onesie. It's second hand from the charity shop. Why do most of the items in my house have to be second hand? In fact, why aren't I abroad in some comfortable 5 star hotel bed right now? Why have I never even set foot in a five-star hotel? And why am I still in this onesie?

So I'm looking at other peoples' lives on Facebook and I'm wondering why I haven't been on road trips, or why I don't even have a best friend yet. I'm 21. So yes I went and did the university thing, but stayed local. Nothing cool about that. Didn't make a single friend. Hated my way through the course and graduated with a second-class degree that I'm too ashamed of to even celebrate. Three years ago I made the mistake of setting my hopes on a first.

The house I'm living in is falling down. The door has fallen off five times in a year and a half. Mould lines the top of every single ceiling of every single room. It's rented. I had a row with the neighbour yesterday because my visitor parked in her disabled space. How was I supposed to know where he parked?

I have a job. I don't claim any benefits and never have. So what awesome job is that? I'm a dinner lady. I love it, but I had hoped I'd be a published writer, teacher or journalist by now. Instead, I'm paying £1000 for a teaching assistant course in September will break the bank. How did I end up behind?

I dyed my hair black and its naturally blonde. I can't decide on what colour I want it so decided to let my blonde grow back. It's driving me crazy. I either strip the colour and and potentially damage my hair, or look at multicoloured hair in the mirror every morning. I ate that last chocolate bar. I grab hold of my legs and realise just why I should have listened to that voice in my head yelling "Don't do it". But, I did it, again.

I miss too many people that I let go and then try to hold onto them. They don't have time for me anymore. Or they don't have time for my son. Nothing hurts as much as that. We come as a package, so where did all of the kind people go?

I grew up taking a friendship for granted, then left my 14-year-old boyfriend after 5 years because he just disappeared. I didn't realise he was the best childhood friend that I would ever have, and lose. I don't like adulting and I've only just arrived. 


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