VOXX Column February 2017 - Standards Adjustment


Standards adjustment

It is absolutely okay to eat food from the floor. Yes, I am in agreement that my standards may have lowered slightly since having my son. But that’s okay because I bagged myself extra toast. Or more accurately I could say I retrieved my stolen toast….

It was a Monday. Perhaps that explains it. I had been serving food all morning and felt that I was on the verge of passing out. Starvation had come painfully close. My stomach wasn’t growling, it was howling. My ribs were peeking through, past my normally podgy abdomen. So then it happened. I stooped to an all-time low…

I buttered myself some toast. It was perfect. Warm enough for the butter to soak deliciously into the bread, leaving a trail of gold across my plate. No burns. No half chewed edges. Simple, pure perfection. Straight from the toaster. Then, I added some marmalade. It glittered as I placed it on the table.

Two thieving hands grabbed my plate as I turned to close the stairgate. Two already fed, nutritionally balanced beautifully rosy hands…

In a mad dash of panic, my iron deficient legs wobbled. I stumbled across the room, pale and aghast as I reached my toast. I managed to rescue it, well within five seconds. I looked it over and couldn’t quite see any invisible germs…

I didn’t lick the floor. The lost marmalade did look good, but that would have to go down the sink. I could only imagine having enough time on my hands to spoon up the extra marmalade. Why would I want to do that when instead I could have two sticky feet walking through it instead? 

Walking it around the room, through the kitchen, and up the stairs…

Wait, is that marmalade on the ceiling?



Boneata Bell
As seen in Voxx Magazine: www.voxxonline.com/wp-content/uploads/2017/02/VOXX62.pdf 

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