Starvation Game

The biggest dream I have in life
Is to be skinny.
The cloths that I will never wear
Seem to clutter my wardrobe,
And dreams of fitting into
the 'small' section in the shops,
Seems to never happen.

If only.
I hate to be touched,
because I know that
I am bulky.
You don't feel like I will break when you
handle me,
Believe me that is what I want.

Passion killer when since the age
of ten you have been upset
and ashamed of your body.
And the comments you ignoor in
the school playground
as you are compared to girls that you
feel are a little bigger than yourself.
Makes you want to die.

The happines when something small fits.
When deep inside, you
know it must be flexible.
Or a large fitting.
But never mind - the label says you are small.

When somebody calls you beautiful.
And you smile.
But never believe,
never ever ever

When you are scared to sit, because
the tummy you pull inwards
in the mirror cannot be pulled inwards sat down.
Not showing the inner of your thigh,
because the amount of fat on there
is clearly eye catching.
Not wearing tops with tight fitting
Under arms,
In case the fat hangs over the sides.

Not eating fatty food in public,
Because you know what they are thinking of you.
Feeling horrible next to your skinny friends.
Hating the weight talk.
Hating skinny girls complain.
When inside your heart is agony.
Just look at them.

If I could take a blade and cut it off I
Maybe there would be scars but who cares,
Cloths would cover them up - tattoos?

Trying everything to make it go.

But it will never go.

And I will always be ashamed.

Boneata Bell. 15/04/2011 00:12


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